September 19th, 2005
|01:13 pm - My times.|
I was in jail.
I was almost gomeenenranramenraenr.
Rerherherheahraer. I hate everything and everyone and I fuckin hate the way everything is going i am fucking tired of everything fuck fuck fuck. venting. fuck you, dad. why are you such a prick just fucking think of someone else for once even though you fucking goddamn take care of me, you piece of shit. Mom stop hanging up the phone when I don't want you to. Rachel you are such a bitch and you arent mom so fucking stop giving me all this advice that I get better from mom anyway you little choad. Go back to feeding my nephew and being Rachel. My dad and my sister have lost their indenties but thank God that Mom is still half in tact. I can feel mom coming back ever so slowly and I feel myself coming back too. "I look up because I'm human." why do I fucking say that to myself (whoever that is, and that too) to my goddamn self all the time. Fucking why? Why can't you leave me the fuck alone Jeremy? Can't you just go fuck yourself? I'm going to succeed and there's nothing you can fuckin' do to stop me from achieving my fucking goals you piece of shit.
I am not talking to the inner child I am talking to the Ego. So fuck right off, you here? Fuck right off and go impale yourself on a pole. "Human noises". WTF is that? I need to stop saying that too. Every day I think its the goddamn end of the world and it fucking isnt and what do I have to do to prove to myself that it isn't? What the fuck is anyone supposed to do? The world doesn't revolve around me but at the same time it does. It does revolve around me and it's all that I see. Why do I have to trouble myself so much? Why? I ask all these questions and I never get the answers. It freaks me out that I'm mentally healthy but
GRIFFIN. YOU WILL ATTEST TO THIS. We are both not crazy and we're functiong fucking humans but we feel like lifeless, blobs without identities strolling around like morons, drooling, and waiting for something better to happen but it fucking never does. Griffin and I have spoken about this theory together and it goes like this. Maybe you, reader, can find some comfort or at least fucking identify with what I am about to say.
The parents in Rome, Georgia, where I was raised but not born, especially applied to fuckin' Griffin, Barrie, and I, were raised straight-laced Orthodox whatever Religion, so they got this great idea to let us fuck around and give us whatever we wanted when we were growing up, so we grew up happy, for the most part, and dancing around singing and climbing on walls and making shit with dirt and climbing trees and writing messages and drawing pictures in sidewalk chalk in the closet. Then they were like "okay we have these happy kids that are so prepared for the world so lets kick them out into it! They're fine! They're going to do great! HEY KIDS GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR HOUSE AND GET TO SCHOOL YOU LITTLE SHITS HAHAHAHAAH ALL WE WANNA DO NOW IS PLAY AMONGST OURSELVES AND FUCK AND DRINK"
No. No parents. Wrong. And what you're left with is confused, frightened, and horribly mentally disturbed kids that can't take shit in the real world. You raised us well but you forgot TWO THINGS, motherfuckers: S.T.R.U.C.T.U.R.E and D.I.S.C.I.P.L.I.N.E. I mean, what the fuck? Your parents taught you that and you got some fucking bright idea to throw that away? YOU CANT THROW THAT KIND OF SHIT AWAY, BASTARDS. You can't just let your kids run wild and party and never make them do dishes. I kicked and screamed. Griffin and Barrie kicked and screamed, but what you didn't do was drag us by our hair or our ears and make us do the shit. This is a message to parents like you out there: love them and let them play but goddamn, please put some structure in their lives. I have to teach it to myself and I don't even know what it fucking is.
Griffin is a wreck because of you, but she's doing better, I'm barely holding on because of you, and Barrie is somehow managing as well. The three of us are fucked. We aren't crazy but we've convinced ourselves that we are because YOU NEVER DID A THING ABOUT IT IN THE REARING PROCESS. It's up to us to fix it now, yet, when we turn back to you, YOU DONT HAVE ADVICE THAT IS WORTH A SHIT WHEN IT COMES TO DEALING WITH THE HEART OF OUR PROBLEMS. You parents can comfort us now and tell us that we have to achieve, but we don't believe you because you didn't give us any good fucking foundations to stand on. So fuck you. We love you but seriously, fuck you.
Current Mood: Pissed as shit
|Date:||September 19th, 2005 08:19 pm (UTC)|| |
I am Jeremy and nothing is my fault ever the end.
I am Lucas and I like my water immediately. I don't like kissing during movies. Nothing's ever my fault because my IQ won't permit it. And also, kissing some boys who smoke is wrong. It doesn't taste good, and I want it to taste good all the time. I want you to make it good, and if you can't make it good, I am going to get another Jewish boy named Asher to do it.
wow. amen. im going to print that out, stamp it, and send one to every address in rome.... people need to be made aware.
im fucking fucked.
You said that so well.
It's so true.
You guys were spoiled.
I love you, Jer Jer. Things will get better. You aren't as screwed up as your parents.